Does it seem that many of the messages that you hear over and over in your mind are about things that you have done wrong, what you should do, or should not do?

I call them the "shoulds" because the word "should" always precedes what is to be accomplished or avoided.

"You/I should quit eating."

"You/I should call..."

"You/I should stop doing that."

"You/I should start doing this."

"You/I should not let her talk to you that way."

Notice that these demands are coming from our own minds and may actually control our lives. While many of the "shoulds" may have merit, it seems that we are being told what to do rather than choosing our own path.

It is time to stop "shoulding" all over ourselves.

Rephrase the above statements and see how much better they feel.

"I choose to stop eating unhealthy foods."

"I will call... or I choose to call..."

"I will refrain from..."

"I choose to start doing..."

"I will let her know how I feel about what she said and ask her to refrain from talking to me in that manner."

So what is the difference? It is a move from a "guilt provoking, parental sounding, I am not yet committed to doing so" state of mind to one of self control, "I am in charge of my life, I am aware of and have chosen to act or refrain from taking action."

It requires a change in your mind to eliminate the "shoulds."

It is also about taking responsibility, being accountable for your life, and being internally motivated. It is not about being passive, or guilt ridden, or requiring someone (external motivation) to tell you what to do or not do. The first approach (choosing) is powerful, while the second approach (guilt ridden) leaves you feeling powerless.

Which do you choose?

Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.